Issue 177, page 5

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The Thermodynamics of Hell

Some kids just have more on the ball than others! The following is a question given on a University of Washington Physics mid term. One answer was so "profound" that the Professor shared it with his colleagues, which is why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Subject: Physics 101

PHYSICS TEST:

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

-oOo-

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving.

I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

  1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
  2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Theresa Banyan during my Freshman year, that "...it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you" and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded with her, then, #2 cannot be true and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze.

-oOo-

This student received the only A.

That was fun, wasn't it? Unfortunately, that piece was not written by a student in response to an exam question, but it's amusing, nevertheless. Read the real story here.

Send us your clipping or photograph (via e-mail or snail mail). If we use it in Laughing Stock, you will receive a $10 gift certificate from Amazon.com!  Lisa Benham wins this week's gift certificate.

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